I Don’t Feel Brave.
The post below was written by Merribrooke during the first week of Josh’s preparation trip to Malawi. We pray that it is a blessing to you.
My brave husband is having an amazing week. He made it safely to Blantyre, Malawi, our new home. Since then he has been checking things off of the to-do list, like immigration, looking at housing, and visiting Malawi Children’s Mission. Every text I get communicates his joy and excitement to be there. He is so ready to call Blantyre our home. I wish I felt the same way. While I have no doubt that this is what the Lord has called us to, my comfort zone is just so comfortable.
This week has been lots of fun for me and the girls. We are cherishing spending time with family while Josh is away. My Mom is even on Spring Break this week, so it has been a lot of fun! We are soaking up every sweet moment. Even though we are enjoying every minute, we miss Josh. We are so excited for him to come home. It’s been a very difficult week with lots of tears from me.
The tears flow for three reasons.
First, I miss my husband and I know the girls miss their daddy. Josh and I have never been apart for more than a few days since we got married, so this is a new experience for us. The girls love their Daddy and don’t really understand why he isn’t here.
Second, with each text from Josh the realization that our entire way of life is about to radically change sinks in! Everything will be different. We will be away from our family. Our home will be different. Our food will be different. Our schedules will be different. Our time zone is different. Everything is different. I’m not one to jump at the idea of change, even simple changes. The idea of such a major change is terrifying.
Third, I don’t feel brave. As I’ve mentioned before, “brave” is my word for 2018. This is the characteristic I am asking the Lord to develop most in my life this year. As a part of this development, I have begun reading 100 Days to Brave: Devotions for Unlocking Your Most Courageous Self by Annie F. Downs. I’m excited to share my journey with you as I travel through this book. I’m only on day three of this journey, however it has already brought me many powerful reminders and encouragements. In today’s reading Annie said,
“Can I say this again? I never felt brave. But day after day, I just did the next thing, took the next step, said the next yes. And God built a life for me in Nashville [her Blantyre] that I could not have dreamed up for myself. I may not have felt brave, but I was taking brave steps in obedience to God.”
I certainly don’t feel brave and everything in me wishes I did. I want to be as excited as my sweet and Christ-following husband. I want to joyfully anticipate the incredible life God is already building for us in Blantyre. When I’m walking in faith, I know that it truly will be more than I could have dreamed. My prayer is that I remember this when the fear attacks. I pray I won’t let my fear keep me from taking the next step of obedience. That is what bravery is.
Thank you for joining us in prayer as Josh takes care of so many important details and the girls and I stay here without him. We appreciate each of you and your prayers.