Jesus Loves Me Best…Do I Know?

I don’t really know if I want to share this because it’s hard, raw and new. I’m only writing it down because writing helps me process, which is a help I desperately need these days. I’m a stuffer, and according to my mom a “professional” one. I don’t like other people to see my pain, so I push it all down until it’s so stuck the only way it’s going to come out is by combustion. So here is my attempt to release a small bit of that pressure before I erupt. 

My mom’s cancer diagnosis has been a hard pill to swallow and my emotions are still running the gamut. Due to my stuffing, I’m primarily in a state of shock where I feel very little at all. My lack of emotion makes me feel guilty and unattached. So I’m trying to count the times where tears flow freely as a blessing. I had one of those moments last night. As I listened to praise music, I was giving Jack peanut butter and bananas while the girls played in the next room. Ellie Holcomb’s You Love Me Best began to play. 

My whole life the three people I have full faith will love me until their last breath are Josh and my parents. They have seen the good, the bad and the ugly and still choose to love me. Often times they love me so well, they see my needs and struggles long before I do. My mom has a special gift for seeing right through me and helping me get to the heart of my issue. Because I’m loved so incredibly well by these three humans, I often (by often I mean like 95% of the time) take my thoughts, praises and anxieties to them instead of sharing them with the Lord. I know it’s wrong and I want to stop, but I like the immediate answers I get from a trustworthy human mouth. 

In those moments when all I want to do is let my momma hold me, hear my daddy’s voice, or feel my husband’s embrace, I want to remember the reminder sung so beautifully in the hymn, What A Friend We Have In Jesus. “Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bare, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.” He is the one who wants to hear my cries, and He is the only one who can lift my burden. Expecting my loved ones to take my burden is unrealistic and unhealthy. I cannot keep putting a weight on them that only my savior was meant to bear, because you know what…

He loves me best. As hard as it is for my earthly brain to understand, my Savior loves me immeasurably more than any human ever can. In fact, He loves me so much that He gave me those humans as a reminder of His love for me. They are imperfect examples of His perfect sacrificial and unconditional love towards me. It is very possible that I might lose those human loves this side of eternity, but if that were to be the case, He is right where He has always been. Always beside me, never giving up on me, feeling the pain I feel. He loves me best. 

Lyrics to You Love Me Best by Ellie Holcomb

My mother, she holds me
When I’m weak, she consoles me
My troubles weigh on her mind
My tears fall down from her eyes
But You, You loved me better

My father, beside me
Holds out his arm to guide me
His wisdom waits in silence
He speaks and I grow quiet
But You loved me better

And there may come a day
When all other loves have gone away
Ooo-oo-oo-oo
When darkness hems me in
You’ll be right where You have always been
Closer than the heart within my chest
Because You loved me best

The ring around my finger
To have and hold forever
It circles round like years that
We’ve walked through joys and tears
But You, but You have loved me better

And there may come a day
When all other loves have gone away
Ooo-oo-oo-oo
When darkness hems me in
You’ll be right where You have always been
Closer than the heart within my chest
Because You loved me best
(You loved me best)

And there will come a day
When the loves we’ve lost will all be raised
Ooo-oo-oo-oo
And we will sing a song
Of the One whose loved us all along
The weary world will finally find her rest
Because You, You
You, You, have loved us best

2019-10-21T09:38:49+00:00

8 Comments

  1. Stephanie Garner October 21, 2019 at 12:35 pm - Reply

    I have you and your Mom in my prayers! Also praying for your family as you do the Lord’s work in Malawi.

    Thank you for sharing this. It is so true and I have been guilty of the same. I pray that His presence, peace and love will be strongly evident more than ever as you go through this time. He does love us best!

    With love, Stephanie

  2. Shelia Parker October 21, 2019 at 12:53 pm - Reply

    Thanks for sharing your heart,you are loved ,we are praying for you ,family and your ministry

  3. Pat Williams October 21, 2019 at 1:42 pm - Reply

    Praying for you through these difficult times!

  4. Ginny Brooke Finney October 21, 2019 at 1:45 pm - Reply

    This is beautiful and convicting Merribrooke. Thank you for sharing! Praying for you and your whole family.

  5. Linda Crouch October 21, 2019 at 2:04 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing your heart. It is such a blessing how you can put your hurts and blessings in writing to bless others. We’re all praying with you for your Mom and Dad and yourself as we realize you want to be here. We’re so proud of you and Josh in your commitment to follow God’s leadership in leading the MCM students as well ast the ladies that you are leading in Bible studies. Praying and love you. Pop and Meme

  6. Rhonda White October 21, 2019 at 10:59 pm - Reply

    I think those times of numbness are sometime a blessed mechanism to help us get thru the things that we would be totally overwhelmed by. Grief and suffering tend to come in waves, for me. Please know that God has put those sweet people in your life to be “Jesus with skin on”. Yes, there are time when we go to people first, but you do know where your Help comes from, as well as your precious mama. We are lifting you all to the throne of grace. God will not waste any of this. It will be refining fire, for your good and His glory. Love you, sweet girl.

  7. Suzanne Whistler October 22, 2019 at 12:05 am - Reply

    Praying for your family! What a friend we have in Jesus is one of my all time favorite hymns. I have sung it through tears in my life and I trust God’s healing hand will be with your Mom.
    In the love of Jesus❤️

  8. Charles Webb October 22, 2019 at 10:59 am - Reply

    Lord, we have heard the heart of Mike’s confession. Now I ask… just as he knows You as Lord and Savior, allow him to know and trust You as the Healer. For You have promised his mother-n-law long life in which she has lived, You also promised good health.

    Now in this case we ask the Healer to intervene as we all come into agreement and speak to this issue with cancer, just as Jesus did in Matt 21:19, when he spoke to the fig tree. We declare this sickness is unauthorized in her body.

    For this medical issue has a name…and our Lord Jesus Christ you are above that name, and because of this, the cross and the blood of Jesus, we speak healing over her body now, and we say thank you Lord, for this purpose and this healing testimony in which she will have to be able to encourage others… for her voice will be an uplifting spirit for others in the same situation.

    As we all come into agreement and speak healing over her body now, in the mighty name of Jesus, and we say thank You LORD that she is healed, for You have already DONE IT! This is why we can confess it, because You know the beginning from the end, and in this case, You knew we would need your healing POWER right now and at this time! We received it now, and because of this we’ll ALWAYS give you all of the Honor, Glory and Praise, for You are the lord thy God who health thee, Exodus 15:26. We thank You, that you cared so much for us.

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